I Understand Now
by OcherEloquence
Summary: When Bella decided to become a vampire, she knew she had to leave her human life behind. This is Renée's take on Bella's devestating decision and how she comes to terms with it.


I had always wondered what Bella had to do about her parents she became a vampire. It occurred to me that the Cullen's would have to go as far as to fake their own deaths. So, this happened.

Renée's been characterized as the crazy, yet much more observent parent of Bella. She saw things other couldn't. Which is why I chose her to write this tragic ending.

Theme Music: Run~Snow Patrol

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, Renée and Charlie would know about the Cullen's secret and still accept them. Then, they would become mythological creatures and drop by every once in a while to the Cullen household. They would live Happily Forever After. But I don't own Twilight, so..

* * *

**Renée's POV**

LOCAL CULLEN FAMILY KILLED IN TERRIBLE ACCIDENT

I sighed as I set down the sagging newspaper on the kitchen table. Phil's warm large arms wrapped around me from behind, comforting for only a fleeting moment.

"I miss her, too." he murmured into my hair. I nodded solemnly, not truly hearing his words. He sighed, a resigned sound I despised to hear. But I couldn't make myself move, I couldn't will myself to just try to smile for him.

"I'll be home after practice, okay? You'll be here, right?" He paused for a moment, hoping for an oral answer. I nodded. _Where else would I be? _

He closed the door with a click, treaded down the gravel path that crunched under his weight and the roar of the engine as the car pulled away finalized his exit. Then the silence overcame the house.

My Bella. My sweet, mature Isabella. _You don't know how I much I miss you. _I thought aimlessly, staring at the white plaster ceiling.

Silence.

Oh, Bella. My Bella. How I miss you scolding me. I miss your stern warning for me not to do anything extra dangerous, I miss your giggles as you watched me try and fail again.

I glanced at the caption under their family portrait. _The close family of eight caught in a burning pile up of cars. Evidence indicates they were on their way to a camping trip along with a small child suspected to be the young couple Emmett and Rosalie's five-year-old and two unknown acquaintances._

A shudder ran through me. Every time I heard that my Bella was burned to a crisp I feel the need to throw up the contents of my stomach.

"Bella," My hoarse vice whispered. "I miss you. I feel empty without you. You were supposed to bury me, not the other way around." My voice broke at the end.

I sucked in a large quantity of air. "Why do I feel like your very far from my reach? In the same plane as me, but too far for my touch..." I continued speaking to nothing, my vice fading as I continued lost in my thoughts. It was true. I felt her absence, but I didn't feel her death. Was it only me, or did Charlie feel it too?

Charlie, poor man. Resigned from the force once he heard that the light of his life had been put out. I wonder if he sat, thinking about her like me? Probably. I just hope Billy can comfort him.

I sighed again, the sound unbelievably sad. Standing from the chair, I decided to at least watch some television, take my mind off matters.

But it did not work. Instead, I saw nothing that played on the screen and my mind wandered, my eyes closing.

When I opened them again, I knew I was dreaming. I sat in a wooden chair, alone in a pure white room. It was confining, the four by four meter space of the square room. Suddenly, a door appeared on the wall before me. Another on the wall to my left and then another on the wall to my right.

I wasn't going to open any of these doors, that much I knew as I hesitantly rose from my chair. I approached the door on my right first. Slowly, cautiously, I pressed my ear to the door. It was cold. Terribly cold. It felt thick and heavy. I was certain it held a large secret behind it. But I would never know this secret.

There were voices that talked. Familiar voices whispering right behind the door, as if telling me a story. I listened intently.

"_I know it pains you, love, but you vowed that this would happen one day." _a deep voice said softly. Edward.

"_Does it really have be like this?" _a lighter, feminine and bell-like voice asked innocently. I gasped. Bella!

"_Do you want them to think you simply abandoned them?" _Edward answered.

"_We could disappear." _Bella urged.

"_And raise suspicion." _countered Edward.

There was silence.

I moved from the door, afraid to hear anything else. It resonated inside me. I shouldn't be hearing these words. I arrived at the north of the room, where the first door appeared.

The next door was thick, but softer, and warm. It felt alive under my touch, as I pressed both my ear and palm against it.

"_Jacob would go." _spoke a deep, calm voice. Carlisle.

"_Would he really?" _asked a female in an annoyed voice. Rosalie, I think? I don't know, the beauty that was Rosalie barely talked to me.

"_Yes. Also Seth, we can't forget him. And if Seth goes..." _Carlisle answered, continuing with his earlier comment.

"_As does Leah." _said a lighter, feminine and oddly motherly voice. Esme!

"_It's decided then?" _Edward asked.

"_As much as it will ever be." _Bella answered.

I backed away from the door. I didn't understand what was happening. I almost didn't want to.

Wanting simply to be over and done with this dream I reached the last door on the left. It was warm, but strong and thick, oddly light. It felt... nice. Good.

"_Will they fall for it?" _asked Carlisle

"_They will." _answered an unusually high soprano voice. Oh, Alice! All the energy, the pure unfiltered happiness that she radiated sounded drained when she spoke.

Long and meaningful silence. For some reason this didn't scare me. I felt at peace here, near this particular door. Something was settling in me.

"_Goodbye, old selves." _said a little girl's voice that I didn't recognized. Interest spiked in me. Who was she?

"_Hope to see you again one day." _continued a very deep and masculine voice. Oh, I know that voice to well. Emmett, that goof ball.

"_Emmett, seriously?" _asked Rosalie, annoyed.

"_What? I agree with the little one." _argued Emmett.

A deep sigh from someone far from them.

"_Let's just go." _sighed Bella.

"_Fine." _said Emmett.

A long silence and the little girl's voice returned.

"_Goodbye, past. We will remember our lives before you. Always. Please don't hurt my family too much."_

I couldn't see it, but I felt it deep within me, as she waved as something.

I awoke gasping, Phil running his hand soothingly down my back. "Just another nightmare, just a nightmare." he whispered to me, trying to comfort me.

I gasped for a few more moments before clutching Phil close to me. My emotions were still scattered and my thoughts confused but one thing was clear.

"Don't worry about me, Phil. I will be fine. I've made my amends." I spoke into his ear. He gasped a sob and pulled me tighter to him. I began to cry along with him.

I frowned, my eyes squeezing shut. I knew I was hurting him too much.

After we calmed down, we ate and headed off to sleep, exhausted after our long and emotionally stressing conversation. I stared out the window, resting on my side. The night was dark, the moon full and shining with a beautiful splendor.

I decided now was the best time.

"I know you're still out there, Bella. Off living the world with your new family. I hope you enjoy it, and I miss you. See you soon, honey." I said into nothing, as if I read from a letter sent to Bella.

Goodbye, Bella. I understand.

* * *

That last line kinda makes me want to bludgeon Bella to death. But, you can't stop these things from happening, can you?

(Just so you know, I don't regret Bella decision. Quite the opposite, in fact. I just wish the Charlie and Renée weren't collateral damage.)

Please review!

-FMC


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